Getting a divorce is difficult and emotions run high. It seems sometimes that all the love you might have felt has turned into hatred, and you’re not quite sure where it went wrong. It’s all very well having a war with your significant other and getting a divorce, but sometimes you have to think about the children that you have and how it affects them. Most divorces can be much too selfish, and children can be collateral damage. Here are a few things that you can do to soften the blow.

Explain it to your children

Explain to your children what is happening and why it is happening. Do not try and shelter them from the facts. Children are not stupid. If you try and make it a mystery and they do not know why it is happening they perhaps will blame themselves. This is the last thing that you want to have happen. You are an adult in an adult situation, treat your children as adults as well. In fact it’s important that all family members have their own emotional support when going through a separation or divorce. Thrivetalk.com can help each family member find a therapist to support them.

Do not fight in front of them

Never fight in front of your children. Do not even have an argument in front of your children. If you cannot control yourself for the benefit of your children then you should not have them. If you really need to have an argument, send them over to a relative’s house. When in front of your children, you should remain the adults you are supposed to be. Showing anger and pain will only give your children anger and pain, do you really want that?

Make sure they know they are loved

Make sure your children know that you both love them. Show them together as well as separately. Make sure that they understand that they are not part of the problem and that they are the most important thing in your life. When we say show that you love them, we don’t mean by them a lot of presents as of some parents will do. Show them you love them by listening to them, hugging them, and paying attention to them.

Listen to your children

It is very important to listen to your children when you’re having a divorce. Your mind may only be focused on the divorce and your spouse, but your children have a lot to say in the situation as well. A family is not just a man and a woman, it is also the children. They are not pets, so  do not treat them like they are. If they are acting out, talk to them and listen to them.

Keep your children aware of everything that’s going on

You need to make sure your children understand everything that is happening. As we said before, this is an adult situation so treat them like adults. If they know everything that is going on, even things you don’t really want to tell them, you will find that they can handle the problem much better than they could before. Just imagine yourself in the same situation and not knowing what is happening, how would you feel.

Communicate

A running theme in this article is communication. It cannot be said enough that you need to communicate. Communicate with your spouse and communicate with your children. Don’t keep it all bottled up inside.

We know there is a lot of anger when there is a divorce, but you do not want to show your children this. All the pain and anger that you’re feeling is what is causing the divorce, so now you are actually having the divorce, you should remain civil. The time for yelling and pointing fingers is passed. You are dealing with the problem so deal with it as an adult. Remember your children, and bring them into the situation. It is their life too.